In love with a narcissist

Whereas a healthy romantic relationship involves mutual emotional vulnerability, this will not be possible if you are involved with a narcissist, as their main concern about achieving power and they can often see the relationship as a battleground for power.

As a psychotherapist, I have seen firsthand the damaging effects of being in a romantic relationship with a narcissist. Narcissists have a personality disorder that causes them to have an inflated sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy, and a constant need for admiration and attention. These traits can make them very charming and charismatic in the beginning of a relationship, but as time goes on, their true nature begins to emerge.

Here are some of the ways that being in a romantic relationship with a narcissist can be dangerous for your mental health:

1. Emotional Abuse: Narcissists are often emotionally abusive to their partners. They may belittle, criticize, or gaslight their partner, making them doubt their own sanity. This can lead to anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.
2. Manipulation: Narcissists are master manipulators. They know how to get what they want and will use any means necessary to achieve their goals. This can include lying, cheating, and manipulating their partner’s emotions. This can leave the partner feeling powerless and helpless.
3. Isolation: Narcissists often isolate their partners from their friends and family. They may make it difficult for their partner to spend time with others, or they may actively discourage their partner from maintaining relationships outside of the relationship. This can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation, which can have a negative impact on mental health.
4. Co-Dependency: Narcissists often create co-dependent relationships with their partners. They may make their partner feel like they are the only person who can meet their needs, or they may create a situation where their partner feels like they need the narcissist in order to survive. This can lead to feelings of desperation and a lack of self-worth.
5. Trauma Bonding: Narcissists can create a cycle of abuse that leads to trauma bonding. Trauma bonding occurs when a victim becomes attached to their abuser as a means of survival. The victim may feel like they can’t live without the abuser, even though the abuser is causing them harm. This can make it difficult for the victim to leave the relationship, even when they know it is not healthy.
6. Learnt helplessness: You learn that nothing you do or say makes a difference, nothing you do is ever good enough and after some time, you just give up believing in your self and your ability to create any change. If you have not experienced having stable, positive and emotionally healthy people in your life, you are much more vulnerable to be taken in by a narcissist, you will slowly but surely be manipulated into believing that you are worthless and useless.

Furthermore, the narcissist will surround him or herself with allies (and yes, narcissists are very good at getting allies, due to their ability to project an charming and alluring picture of themselves), who will reinforce that you are lucky to be close to the narcissist or how cruel and selfish you are, when you try to regain your sanity by escaping the realtionship.

In conclusion, being in a romantic relationship with a narcissist can be very dangerous for your mental health. If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, it is important to seek help from a therapist who specialises in narcissistic abuse. A therapist can help you develop a plan for leaving the relationship, as well as provide support and guidance as you heal from the trauma of the relationship.

Remember, you deserve to be in a healthy, loving relationship where you are treated with respect and kindness.

Wishing you well

Brigitte Escobar Psychotherapist Mpf

See all blog posts