The Covert Narcissist

As a psychotherapist specialising in narcissism, I am often asked about the different types of narcissism that exist. One type that is particularly intriguing to many people is covert narcissism. While most people are familiar with the more overt and grandiose form of narcissism, which involves a loud and visible sense of entitlement and superiority, covert narcissism is a more subtle and insidious form of the disorder.

Covert narcissism is characterized by a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, entitlement, and self-absorption that is expressed in more passive and indirect ways. People with covert narcissism may appear humble or self-effacing on the surface, but they are often motivated by a deep-seated need for attention, admiration, and validation. They may engage in behaviors such as playing the victim, manipulating others, and withholding affection or approval in order to maintain a sense of control and power.

One of the key features of covert narcissism is a profound sense of entitlement. People with this form of the disorder believe that they are inherently special or unique, and that they are entitled to receive special treatment and attention from others. They may believe that they are more intelligent, talented, or attractive than others, and may feel that they deserve recognition or admiration simply for being themselves.

Another hallmark of covert narcissism is a deep-seated sense of insecurity and vulnerability. Despite their grandiose sense of self-importance, people with covert narcissism are often deeply afraid of being rejected or criticized by others. They may use passive-aggressive tactics to manipulate others into giving them the attention and validation they crave, or they may withdraw and become sullen or resentful when they feel that their needs are not being met.

One of the most challenging aspects of covert narcissism is that the individual often appears to be the victim, rather than the aggressor. They may use passive-aggressive behavior, such as silent treatment, guilt-tripping, or emotional blackmail, to control those around them. They may also play the victim, seeking sympathy and attention from others, while downplaying their own role in the situation.

Living with a person with covert narcissism can feel like walking on eggshells. Individuals with this personality disorder tend to have fragile egos, and any perceived criticism or rejection can result in a significant blow to their self-esteem. They may react with anger, defensiveness, or even aggression, making it challenging for others to express their feelings or needs openly.

If you are living with a person with covert narcissism, it is essential to seek support and professional help. A therapist with experience in narcissistic personality disorder can help you navigate the complex dynamics of the relationship and develop coping strategies to manage the emotional stress. It is also crucial to set clear boundaries and communicate assertively with the person, as this can help prevent their manipulative behaviors.

In conclusion, covert narcissism is a challenging personality disorder that can have a significant impact on the lives of those closest to the individual. If you suspect that someone you know may have covert narcissism, it is essential to seek professional help to manage the emotional stress and develop coping strategies.

Wishing you well

Brigitte

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