What on earth is 'Narcissistic Victim Syndrome?

Narcissism is gradually becoming a recognized phenomenon. However, there is little understanding and mention of what it means to suffer from narcissistic victim syndrome. The term was coined to give a name to what happens to you if you have been exposed to a narcissist for a long time. There are a range of common denominators for people with narcissistic victim syndrome. They are faced with a variety of problems and negative psychological patterns that limit them and their ability to enjoy life.

One thing is clear, having a narcissist in your inner circle has huge mental and emotional consequences for you. These consist of a set of psychological and psychosocial symptoms, that are observable and recurring when victims of narcissists seek support at the therapist’s office.

In Denmark (and I suspect in most other countries) where this text is being written, there is unfortunately still very few therapists who can recognize and understand the connection between being in a toxic relationship with a psychopath or narcissist, and the victim's psychological problems.

I believe that a skilled therapist needs to know enough about how narcissists affect their victims, as well as how this type of emotional abuse relates to the clients mental health. It is vital if for the support of the client.

Too often, the victim’s many PTSD-like symptoms are overlooked or ignored. The study of how psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists affect the mental health of the people who love them or have to work with them, is not a subject that mental health professionals typically are taught. The main focus is usually on enhancing the client’s own resources and taking responsibility for their own well-being. This approach is helpful and beneficial, but when the client is in a close relationship with a narcissist or psychopath, chances are that he or she already is an expert in taking responsibility – too much responsibility. When in a relationship with a narcissist, the client will often not be aware that the way they are being lied to, manipulated and continuously put down is emotional abuse. Very often the client will continue blaming themselves and try to change themselves, without understanding that the there is narcissism at play. It is crucial for such a client to become aware of what kind of danger they are living under.

Becoming aware of how emotional abuse affects you, and learning to understand 100% that it is NOT your fault or your responsibility when the narcissist lies, fails or manipulates you or others, is crucial. If you have lived in the shadow of the narcissist long enough, chances are that you have become a master at taking on guilt and shame that does not belong to you. It is a type of brain-wash, it is painful to the extreme and affects your self-esteem, your confidence and ultimately your health. It is the narcissists' victims, that seek therapy, not the narcissist himself. A person seeking therapy is a person who takes responsibility - and this is something a narcissist will not do.

I think it is important that this type of suffering is recognized and understood so that the victims can have the opportunity they need to heal.

If you have been exposed to a narcissist for a long time, there are a number of symptoms that in many ways are similar to those of PTSD, and that are often overlooked. These are typically a number of symptoms such as you, who have a narcissist close to life, suffer from and which together constitute the narcissistic victim syndrome:

• You doubt your judgment

• You have lost faith in other people generally

• You feel abandoned

• You no longer question failure

• You feel worthless

• You feel neither joy nor pride when your hard work produces results.

• You dissociate

• You have become a master at not feeling your needs

• You always put the narcissist's wishes first

• You can't see your own worth at all

• You expect yourself to be able to perform perfectly all of the time, and become anxious if you cannot

• You make excuses for the narcissist

• You have flashbacks and nightmares

• Your ability to concentrate is impaired

• You spend a lot of your energy trying to satisfy the narcissist

• You idealize the narcissist

• You are exhausted - deadly exhausted

• Your mental as well as your physical health is compromised

A life with Narcissistic Victim Syndrome is hard. Too hard. In spite of it all, the victim will often hold on to his or her love for the narcissist. Perhaps you have become so accustomed to poor treatment, so confused and so used to not trusting yourself, that your ability to make a choice has been compromised.

Maybe one or both of your parents are narcissists? Children’s unconditional love for their caregivers is an innate and biological condition for survival - even if they are mistreated, ignored, put down and/ or subject to neglect. Maybe it's your partner or one of your siblings. Whoever it is, ask yourself if this is relationship is healthy for you?

However, leaving can be very difficult. If you have become a victim to a narcissist, you may be as addicted of the highs and lows of this relationship, as an alcoholic is to alcohol. It takes courage to see the situation for what it is. Ask yourself: is your narcissist draining the life out of you? Do you want to continue being a doormat for him or her?

Life can get better. Nothing is more important than you get the support you need and claim your life back.

You can become yourself again. You can choose to love yourself away from emotional abuse.

That is something I know for sure, and I hope you will too.

Sincerely

Brigitte Escobar Andersen

Copenhagentherapy.com

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